Cottage life
You people are clearly my people! Fireworks haters! Toddler-talk lovers! Gather round, I would like to hug you. You might be pleased, as I am, to know that although the days of hilarious pronunciations are drawing slowly to a close, we have apparently entered the Kids Say the Darnedest Things stage. On our last trip to the library, the children’s librarian (whose name is Robin but who, Ellie regularly reminds me, is not a “robin birdie”) bid Ellie farewell with that old chestnut “see you later, alligator!” and as we walked away, I heard her mutter under her breath, “I’m not an ALLIGATOR. I’m ELLIE.”
We spent last week at a cottage up in the Muskokas, and it was quite a lovely time. A large part of the loveliness came simply from having another parent around for the whole week, and it was so restful for me (I read two books! and swam in the lake! and we went to the beach twice!) I have subsquently hatched a plan to hire a nanny. I just need to figure out some sort of scheme to get rich quickly in order to fund this initiative. Perhaps insider trading? Are any of you executives with publicly traded companies, and would be willing to trade secrets for cookies? Maybe I will have to invent something, although I have been told that my one good idea (nanoparticles that will clean your teeth so well you’ll never have to go to the dentist) (patent pending!) isn’t a) possible, and b) marketable, even though I’ve done the hardest part, which is think of the idea and come up with a clever name (“NanoDent Dental Bots”). Alas! I suppose I won’t quit my day job just yet. But I am already fantasizing about next year’s cottage vacation. There’s just something about being on the water that is incredibly soul-soothing, isn’t there?
You might recall (not that I would expect you to) that we have had some issues with a neighbour over the past couple of summers, specifically Loudness Issues resulting from the man of the house hanging out with his buddies in the garage, playing loud music and generally being disruptive to my beloved sleep until the wee hours of the morning. Throughout the spring they were suspiciously quiet, and I wondered if maybe they’d had an attack of Sudden Onset Neighbourliness, or maybe it had finally occurred to them they have both a back yard and a basement in which hanging out would be theoretically possible. Then one day Mike came back from a bike ride with Ellie and reported he had spotted a stroller in their garage, and then another day he reported he spotted an actual baby in their garage, and anyway: mystery solved! Congratulations on the baby, sir! I will try not to accidentally drive by your house at 5:00 in the morning with my windows down and stereo blasting.
Our neighbour had many of those loud-type gatherings with the ping pong tables and the stacks upon stacks of beer in his garage last summer. They had a brand new baby, and we thought it odd that he continued this practice. This year there is a pointed lack of these ping pong parties… but the summer is early, yet.
Or you could be like us, and surrounded by retirees. They are a surprisingly quiet lot if you consider what Pepsi commercials would have you believe. Frankly, our loudest neighbours are those with small children who scream constantly. It’s rather disconcerting to realize that we have become somewhat immune to the bloodcurdling screams that emanate over our back fence most days around 10, 4 and 7 in the evening.
Or you could be like us, and surrounded by retirees. They are a surprisingly quiet lot if you consider what Pepsi commercials would have you believe. Frankly, our loudest neighbours are those with small children who scream constantly. It’s rather disconcerting to realize that we have become somewhat immune to the bloodcurdling screams that emanate over our back fence most days around 10, 4 and 7 in the evening.
Ugh! We have those kind of neighbours too, with an exceptionally loud (if not talented) garage band that plays late into the night on weekends. This summer, however, they have also deemed themselves worthy of loud, drunken, celebratory post-rehearsal gatherings with their one groupie (I saw her) on their back deck, right outside our bedroom window. Until after 3am! Lots of swears wafting in our window! And some that I had to stifle from wafting back out. I would complain, except… I’m holding out a glimmer of hope for an open invitation to use their hot tub whenever they are out of town (fat chance!) Aaaand I’m trusting in their neighbourliness not to report our children’s deadly screams, like Sarah’s, at unspecified times of day. So, y’know. Maybe I should wish parenthood upon them.
Have you ever seen the diagram of neighbours? It is SO true. Our next door neighbour mows his lawn every 10 seconds. In fact, his name is even Momo. As in, “Momo, Mow your lawn…” (to the tune of “Row, row, row your boat.”) No lie. http://amazinginfos.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Neighbours.jpg
Lauren, if I happen to have outstanding capital earmarked for investment in a startup, I’d still back your Dental Bots. Yesterday’s appointment was extremely unpleasant. Me: . Hygienist with ultrasonic scaler: “Oh, is it a bit sensitive there?” Me: “Mmm-hmm” Hygienist: “Oh, there’s some root exposed there, so that might be why it hurts.” Me (in my head): You think?!