Lauren | 
November 22nd, 2011 | 
My cousin Trish got married in July, and then promptly moved to Kuwait, for reasons that are unclear even to me, but which apparently have nothing to do with abandoning me and everything to do with finding a job over there that “pays well” and “is fulfilling” and “helps further her career” or some-such nonsense. Because they were more or less immediately picking up and moving halfway across the world, they didn’t want the usual toasters/mixers/trifle bowls/flatware/towels you tend to get as wedding gifts, and I had decided that rather than write them a cheque I would purchase a weddingy type gift (hint: not a trifle bowl) and mail it to them in Kuwait. I got to shop for fun consumer products! They got another wedding gift after the wedding gift excitement had already petered out! Plus they would get mail at work, which would make them the envy of their colleagues! Exclamation point! Read the rest of this entry »
Today is Babysitter Day, when our lovely babysitter comes for a few hours so I can get some work done (I guess that is pretty self explanatory, so I didn’t really need to elaborate, but you’re welcome for the explanation anyway) and I have 25 minutes left of babysitter time in which to post this, which shouldn’t be a problem, since the entire reason I am writing a blog post is so I can use Written Kitten, an adorable website that rewards you with a fresh kitten photo for every 100 words you type. That is the kind of thing that motivates me to blog even if I don’t have very much to say. If someone could create a similar website but with PENGUINS, I would probably actually get around to writing that book I keep talking about. Read the rest of this entry »
The baby is napping and I’m watching Restaurant Makeover through my fingers the same way I do with horror movies because the restaurant owners keep changing their minds about what they want and calling the designer and 4 in the morning and it is making me TOO TENSE.
Did you notice above where I said the baby is napping? Did you notice how I said it all casually, as though it’s not the biggest deal ever because it means I can stop feeling a little bit crazier every single day? All it took was doing something simple I could have easily done months ago when her nap aversion started and could therefore avoided this whole situation, but let’s not think about that.
The napping has put me in such a good mood the past few days that I have started listening to Christmas music a few weeks ahead of schedule. And it snowed for the first time this morning (Ellie was asleep in the car when it happened, so she missed it, but that is okay because it will happen MANY MORE TIMES between now and April) so all in all I am feeling extremely festive.
You know those mornings where the sheets seem extra soft, and the bed seems extra warm (especially compared to the air outside the bed, which seems extra cold) and it seems extra necessary to lie there a few extra minutes? I was having one of those mornings today, but I got up early, woke and fed and clothed the baby, fed and clothed myself, loaded us both into the car, drove 25 minutes across town, and then discovered the baby program at the Early Years Centre was cancelled for today. So. You know. Not the best start to the day, plus it left me with an entire day in which to figure out how to entertain Ellie on my own. Which is not an easy task, since she has recently become VERY CONCERNED for my safety every time I leave the room, or try to put her down for a nap, or even move a foot to the left. Read the rest of this entry »
Our house hasn’t sold yet, but Mike inadvertently de-activated my Patent Pending Horrifying Spider Containment System (i.e. he opened the window without first checking to see if there was a horrifying spider between the window and the screen) and now there is a horrifying spider loose somewhere in our house, so it is a good thing we are already planning to move.
If you know of anyone looking to buy a house, or if you yourself would like to buy a house, or if you would just like to see what our house looks like when all of our clutter and personal items are stashed in drawers and/or in Rubbermaid bins in a friend’s basement, please feel free to take the virtual tour, as long as you promise to come back here and leave a comment saying how lovely it is and how likely it is that someone will purchase it immediately (after a 4-way bidding war, and for a price that borders on “outrageously high”).
If you are ever perusing the Old Navy website, and you think to yourself, “Self, I know those teal velour pants are on sale for $5, indicating that perhaps they are not in fact the world’s sexiest pants, but really, just how ridiculous could one pair of pants BE?” you should take care to remember this exact moment, when I grab your shoulders and pull you very close and tell you the answer is EXTREMELY RIDICULOUS. They are velour pants! In a shade that can only accurately be described as “aggressively turquoise”! Why would anyone BUY something like that? (And yet! I took them out of the wrapper, put them on my body, looked in the mirror, died from the sight, and LEFT THEM ON. They are worth $5 for the entertainment value alone.)
I recently saw a new candy product, the package of which advertised that it was a) sour, b) fruit-flavoured, and c) with a “cooling sensation”. I am baffled. Why … would anyone WANT that? I would imagine that in terms of flavour combination preferences amongst the candy-loving public, the overlap area in the Venn diagram of minty, fruity, and sour would be very small indeed.
A couple of months ago, Mike and I began tentatively discussing the possibility of maybe, potentially buying a new house, in the distant future, since our the number of bedrooms in our current house is one short if we plan to someday expand our family. We thought maybe we should start having a look around, because it might take us a very long time to find the house we were looking for. My birthday was last weekend, and instead of doing what I had originally planned (lounging around in my pajamas, reading a magazine, eating birthday cake, maybe taking a long bath) we ended up looking at a couple of houses. We fell head over heels with one of them, and ended up making an offer that night, which means I have to admit once and for all that we are the sort of people who impulse purchase a house, since we did that with our first house. Although that has worked out very well for us (it’s a lovely home on a quiet cul de sac, corner lot, new dishwasher — anyone want to buy it?) I will admit I’m a little uneasy with being the sort of people who basically buy the house equivalent of the Snickers bar by the cash register at the grocery store, assuming the Snickers bar was the right size, with beautiful upgrades and hardwood floors and the perfect spot for my office, and the grocery store was really, really motivated to sell the Snickers bar. Or maybe we bought the house equivalent of the puppy at the pet store that you just want to hold, but not buy, because you don’t really NEED a puppy right now, maybe in a year, when the timing is right? Read the rest of this entry »
We had the good fortune of visiting with some friends this weekend, and one of those friends pointed out to me that my blog posts lately have been rather baby-centric (I don’t think it was a complaint, exactly, just an observation and certainly not an incorrect observation) so I am here this evening to appeal to the non-baby-loving demographic. However, I have done so many loads of laundry in the past 5 months that I may have lost touch with that particular demographic, so consider yourself warned that I may just end up talking about the baby anyway. Read the rest of this entry »
I went to the dentist yesterday for a cleaning and to have a filling replaced, and while I was under the influence of nitrous oxide, the dentist found another cavity on the same side, and proceeded to fill it while he was poking around in there. I was pretty excited about this, because it meant that the Time Until Next Dentist Appointment clock had been reset to the furthest possible time.
AND THEN. I had some x-rays, and they found three more cavities. Three! THREE. For a total of FOUR. I just … I mean … I can’t even. Apparently this is a common side effect of having a baby. Between that, and the hives, and the high blood pressure, and the hair loss, and the saggy abdominal area, and the stretch marks, and the allergic reaction to the blood pressure medication, and the cornea problems, I have to say — Pregnancy: I Do Not Recommend It. (I do recommend the whole baby thing. It’s just that the most common way of acquiring one leaves a little to be desired.)
I don’t want to be That Guy (the “Now that I have kids, I’m just so BUSY!” guy) but I will say that when your normally-takes-a-3-hour-nap-every-day baby spontaneously forgets how to nap, and wants instead to be clinging to your person all the time, you need to make some ADJUSTMENTS to your schedule. Especially when the household moratorium on napping occurs the week after you decide to go back to work. I’m typing this while eating a hastily constructed sandwich, hoping Sesame Street will hold Ellie’s attention for longer than 5 minutes. This episode seems to feature muppet chickens (one of which is named Atilla the Hen) who are terrified of thunderstorms (with hilarious results!) so hopefully it will be a while before the yelling begins again. (Oh, the yelling. So much yelling.) Read the rest of this entry »