If you are ever perusing the Old Navy website, and you think to yourself, “Self, I know those teal velour pants are on sale for $5, indicating that perhaps they are not in fact the world’s sexiest pants, but really, just how ridiculous could one pair of pants BE?” you should take care to remember this exact moment, when I grab your shoulders and pull you very close and tell you the answer is EXTREMELY RIDICULOUS. They are velour pants! In a shade that can only accurately be described as “aggressively turquoise”! Why would anyone BUY something like that? (And yet! I took them out of the wrapper, put them on my body, looked in the mirror, died from the sight, and LEFT THEM ON. They are worth $5 for the entertainment value alone.)

I recently saw a new candy product, the package of which advertised that it was a) sour, b) fruit-flavoured, and c) with a “cooling sensation”. I am baffled. Why … would anyone WANT that? I would imagine that in terms of flavour combination preferences amongst the candy-loving public, the overlap area in the Venn diagram of minty, fruity, and sour would be very small indeed.