I had a whole blog post typed yesterday, but I ended up discarding it because I was complaining about something that makes me sound like a jerk, and thankfully I realized that before I hit the publish button. There are just some things that I think I should just keep to myself, or maybe just grumble to Mike, because he loves me and as my husband is legally obligated to listen to me even when I sound like an idiot. At any rate, I will share something that will likely still make some people hate me, but it is so new and exciting to me, I just can’t keep it to myself.
My shameful confession is this: I get more sleep now than I did before I had a baby. And by “more” I mean A LOT MORE. It’s not just because Ellie is a good sleeper (which she is, she is truly such a good sleeper that she causes me to wish on a regular basis that there was some way you could reward a baby for behaviour that you approve of and desperately want to continue, but I haven’t yet thought of any way to accomplish this, unless maybe you can clicker train a baby like you can a puppy, but even that idea seems fraught with issues that are many and varied, not the least of which is the general public would likely frown upon the idea of giving a baby a liver treat to reward a happy mood or a long sleep) but rather because I was such a terrible sleeper in my pre-baby life. I’ve always needed a lot of sleep, and a number of years ago I started to suffer pretty badly from crippling insomnia, and while eventually that went away (for the most part) it was replaced by some truly terrible sleep filled with tossing and turning, vivid nightmares, and needing to lie listlessly on the couch for half an hour after I finally crawled out of bed, trying to find the energy to make breakfast. It was even worse when I was pregnant, so when Ellie arrived and I started sleeping for 3 hours at a time, uninterrupted, I kind of felt like I had a new lease on life.
When that became 4-5 hours, then 6-7 hours, and now sometimes 8-9 hours (I am whispering that last part, because I’m aware this is a VERY BIG DEAL for a tiny baby, and I’m hesitant to broadcast this lest I jinx anything or incite riots amongst other new parents) and I would wake up in the very same position as I was in when I fell asleep at the beginning of the night, I couldn’t believe my good fortune. I will never, ever be a morning person (really and truly, the likelihood of that happening is somewhere in the neighbourhood of the likelihood I will become a mathematician or a unicorn) but I am waking up ACTUALLY RESTED, and most mornings I can go into the next room and rescue my grinning baby and start my day without fantasizing about running away to the crisp white sheets and quite solitude of a luxury hotel room at the end of the hall, far away from drunk wedding guests and the chug-chug-chug of the elevators. It’s a VERY unexpected yet truly lovely side effect of having a baby, and I know it could very well be temporary (before anyone tells me that Ellie won’t always sleep this well, I will say I am aware of this fact, and will deal with that when it happens) but it is making me better able to be truly present in my days, to truly enjoy them in all of their repetitiveness, and for that I am extremely grateful.