At the risk of coming across even more Howard Hughes-like than usual, here is a brief and incomplete list of things I don’t like:

  • when my food touches
  • food that has peas in it, especially if there is no good reason for there to be peas in it to begin with
  • eating something I don’t recognize
  • eating something I’ve never eaten before, or something I have eaten before but that is prepared in a new way
  • meat that is prepared in such a way that it reminds me that yeah, I’m eating an animal here, and while it may taste good, I’m too weirded out to really enjoy it, or meat that doesn’t look quite ENOUGH like meat and makes me wonder just what I’m eating here

And now a brief list of foods that I really shouldn’t like, based on the previous list:

  • the chicken shawarma platter I just ate at the mall

A chicken shawarma platter, for the uninitiated among us, is a platter that consists of a mixed-up pile of random quantities of some pretty random foods, and can include any or all of the following, depending on where you’re obtaining said platter:  garlic, hummus, some sort of salad (often somewhat coleslaw-y in appearance, but not quite coleslaw-y in flavour), garlic, curried rice and/or roasted potatoes, various pickled and/or spicy vegetables (including, but not limited to, tomatoes, cucumbers, beets, onions, and peppers), garlic, hot sauce, and the shawarma meat itself, which is chicken or beef that was once all one big piece but was then chopped up, marinated & seasoned, and then all glued back together again around a giant metal skewer (how this is accomplished I do not know and have no interest in finding out) and is kind of sawed at by the food service employee making your platter until a sufficient quantity has fallen in disarray around and on top of the rest of the food on the platter.  It’s usually served with a pita on the side and, if you’re lucky, they’ll also put some creamy garlic sauce on top of the whole disgusting mess.

If you can get over the fact that the rice may have peas in it and you might have trouble recognizing most of the foods that are touching each other on your plate, the only real downside to this is that you may have an appointment to meet a friend for a run that same afternoon and you’ll probably have to cancel that appointment and run on the treadmill instead because over an hour has elapsed since lunch (not to mention two teeth brushings and two Listerine garglings) and you still can’t taste or smell anything but garlic.