Comments on: Not quite a “miss”, not yet a “ma’am”

By: Lauren

Lauren — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 19:29:30 +0000

I wonder about that too, Jim, from time to time. I think we’ve all become so concerned with doing what’s right for ME ME ME that we’ve all but lost the ability to live respectfully as part of a larger community.

By: Jim

Jim — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 12:59:19 +0000

No, there’s no particular age at which this will happen. There’s an awkwardness in trying to be respectful but not knowing what the other finds respectful, and appearance is used as a gauge of competence–but never used consistently. This goes on without regard for one’s real age or ability.

We also don’t know how to process mixed signals. Competence and youthful appearance seem incongruous. They aren’t necessarily so, but neither do they consistently run together. Patience and continued demonstration of competence will convince the observant that they go together in various cases, but the wilfully ignorant just will not be convinced. It’s another kind of prejudice. I was going to say it’s a benign prejudice, but I think it may be a symptom of something deeper that is not nearly so benign.

I wonder if, as a society, we have forgotten how to pay and receive genuine respect as persons, not as warm bodies performing a service. If so, that’s a problem. Stabbiness may be an immediate reaction to that.

By: Lauren

Lauren — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 21:58:49 +0000

These comments have me wondering exactly where the sweet spot is. Is there one particular week in one particular year when we’ll all be perceived to be of the particular age in which we’re neither a “miss” nor a “ma’am” and nobody has to get stabby?

By: Eryn

Eryn — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 21:53:34 +0000

I totally feel the conundrum! I do most client interaction over the phone, so by the time we’re face to face I’ve already done a pretty stellar job and my lack of wrinkles rarely matters. But every once in a while I definitely catch the “can I speak with your (older) boss?” vibe, that just makes me a little stabby. On the other hand, I’m pretty irritable over sales people calling me ma’am, so what’s a girl to do?!?

By: Lindsay

Lindsay — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 14:13:38 +0000

I have the same problem, apparently I’m “too young” to be taken seriously professionally, but am considered too old to do most social activities worth doing without looking stupid.

I am also in awe of Robert Pattinson’s hair, it defies several scientific laws.

By: Sarah

Sarah — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 13:28:47 +0000

If you ever want to feel old fast, spend time with elementary school students. They have no inner censor, and they’re all waaay younger than you.
I understand your situation because I’m also on the young end of the spectrum for my current position. It’s okay, until you realize how much longer you have until retirement compared to them.