I have a dentist appointment in a little less than a month. Last week, I received a reminder card in the mail that indicated, at the bottom, that they are very much looking forward to seeing me. I am far, far too high maintenance a patient for that to be even remotely true, unless they have figured out a way of making additional profit off my appointments by inventing new and creative ways to make me cry and then wagering on which ones are most likely to work.
It would be significantly more work for office staff, and would likely entail a drastic increase in operating costs, but I think there is a market there for stationary for health practitioners that can be sent to those among us who cower with dread at the very thought of visiting their offices, offering the motivation we need to get off the couch and gird our loins and attend our appointments like the grownups we so enthusiastically claim to be.
Off the top of my head, I’d suggest something like an immunization reminder that promises it won’t hurt a bit and they’ll give you a lollipop afterward, or a glass of red wine if that is more your style. A letter from your physiotherapist that guarantees that if you actually and regularly do her exercises, not only will you not hurt anymore, but you’ll have muscles in places that attract people of the opposite sex that have a healthy appreciation for muscles in those places. A coupon for a free pint of Ben & Jerry’s and a pedicure if you will just try for ONCE coming in to see the dentist without rescheduling the appointment half a dozen times, and did he mention that you are very pretty, that was such a witty comment you just made, have you lost weight?
If anyone would like to get in on the ground floor of this new venture, send a cheque for your part of the investment and a pint of Ben & Jerry’s to my house.